Friday, May 2, 2014

Paradox


I don’t know what I want or need anymore.
I’m tired of expecting things I know I’ll never get — it’s becoming such a bore.

I’m tired of getting my hopes up too high.
I’m tired of trying to make people happy, while I’m the one waiting for them to try.

I’m tired of pretending everything’s okay when it’s not.
I’m tired of trying to spark something that’s already gone.

Just for once, I don’t want to try or decide anymore.
I just want people to put in the effort —
to think of me, even a little —
please, give me that much more.




Sunday, April 27, 2014

A day for Amanda


My idea of a perfect day would be for me to be able to wake in the morning, having to take my own sweet time to linger on my marshmallow-y bed whilst scrolling my thumb through Twitter and Instagram.

When my body feels like it's time to get up, I will dance my ass to the dining room and eat my favorite cereal; Koko Krunch and drink warm Ahmad tea without having to worry about washing my dishes whatsoever. I'll bathe in warm hot shower and I will go out wearing a casual outfit that has been decided by someone else, for me. I will probably take the car without having to bug people to drive me and drove off to my favorite saloon to get my hair and make up ready.

By noon, I will most likely have lots of sashimi for lunch cause that's what my tummy needs and when I feel like I need to excercise I will just stroll in the mall, and buy stuff that I need. Just easy, breezy. When the evening comes, and someone else already made plans for me. I'll get dressed in the most beautiful dress, and spend the evening with my favorite people, just enjoying the moment, taking one sweet step at a time without having people to judge and compare you with someone else. Seizing the moment as it is.

As when the night comes, and you know you don't have to rush home but you just feel that it's the end. You'll have that one sweet goodnight kiss, and just hope for a better tomorrow. Easier said than done. While everyone else, might want a world peace for their perfect day, my idea of a perfect day is simply a selfish way for me to not give a fuck about anyone else for an entire day. And I know it will only be just an idea, no more and no less.